He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
