So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
