this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
