then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
