I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
