Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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