you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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