i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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