i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
