the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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