I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
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she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
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You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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