So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize
