wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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