This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
