Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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