Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Come on in and take your pants off
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