tell your sister to shave her snatch
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
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