You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
