So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
