Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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