WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
