There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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