I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
