apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
