By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
40s are totally the cure
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
