I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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