Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
