I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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