How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
