I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
