You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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