My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I have aggressive nipples.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
