she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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