...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
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Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
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I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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