yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
