I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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