I heard we made out
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
