I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
