I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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