If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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