Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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