Swine flu. Run for my life!
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
We have so much sex to catch up on
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
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