We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Randomize
