He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
You're like the curious george of whores
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
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I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
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Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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