The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
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I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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