Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
