Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
