My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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