I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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