I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize