Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.