Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer