I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
areolas are like halos for boobs.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
