Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
