I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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