normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
