Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
