whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Randomize
