Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
