my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
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