I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
