I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
