You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
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