I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
