I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
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