that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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