at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
