Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
