There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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