I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
