I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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