she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
