I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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