your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
