Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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