I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
