I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Randomize
