It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
