I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
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