i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
