1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
