Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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