Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
