She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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